Each day goes by, a little darker since you're not with me anymore. I keep wondering why it is that you left. Was it because of me? Because I'm a selfish deity? I am confused. Those emotions are so new to me. The clouds roil over head according to my emotions and it's been days now. Months. Years. There's only been rain up here in my world. Do you see what you do to me? I can't seem to put my mask back up, because you made it seem normal to go around showing my real face. I want to hide now, I'm a coward, but can you really blame me? I never trusted anyone, then you came along and I decided that you were worth it. Now that you've just left, leaving me broken, I don't know how to build up the bridge I've destroyed. It went up to flames, out in smoke, a pile of ashes somewhere deep inside me. Somewhere I can't seem to reach anymore.
It's so damn hard.
You know, sometimes I resent your coming into my life. It's like I don't know myself anymore. Sure, I look the same; those white curls will never change, those black eyes won't change color overnight, my skin will stay this translucent shade until I live again but that is another matter. For now, I am focusing on what you do to me, what you did to me, what I can't seem to undo or remake. You've changed everything. And for that I can't seem to... I don't know if I can... I don't know what to think, or say. The others are worried for me, for my sanity. Letting myself go like this for a simple mortal. A mere whim of some god. I close my eyes, picturing your face against my eyelids. You look beautiful and I wish I could kiss you right this instant.
Stupid, stupid me.
It's too damn hard for me to let you go. I don't want to let you go. I should, though. You're destroying me. I hate it but I can't stop it. It's like an ever consuming fire that'll kill me if it keeps going. I part the clouds of your world to look down at what your life has become and jealousy grips at me, twists my gut like a vise. You look so happy. With her. I don't bother to remember her name, she is unimportant. But—what is this that I see? That little bundle in her arms. Tears threaten to spill and I blink a few times to keep them inside. A child. You've conceived with her. You've given yourself over, without a second thought for me. I scream but it's like I've lost my voice. There is no sound, safe the chaotic symphony of my windows breaking.
The fire has consumed me. I am but a pile of ashes in the sky. I fall to the ground of your world, dirt to be walked on, forgotten in the recesses of your mind. A memory. A dream. A fragment of your past.
I love you.
I wish I didn't.
But I can't help it.